Haisssss... Like a Baby Goat...
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
How Men Change
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
Ways to be the perfect Girlfriend
1. Hang out with his buddies:
As Much as you
would like to spend time with him alone. Chilling and spending time with
him and his buddies will make him feel that you are easy going and want
to be involved with what he likes to do.
2. Buy him tickets to a game:
One
of the most easiest things to impress him is to buy two tickets to a
game he loves, the other ticket being for his friend. This clearly shows
that you want him to have his time off and enjoy without you.
3. Do not buy clothes for him:
If
you guys have just started dating, then girls beware not to go and buy
clothes for him. This will make him think that you are not comfortable
with his dressing style. He as it must be getting loads of clothes from
his mother. You sure do not want him to think in those terms?
4. Forget something feminine at his place:
Purposely
forget a piece of jewellery or something delicate like that at his
place so that he is reminded of you pretty often. He will always connect
you to something as delicate as that.
5. Leave a message behind:
Leave
a nice cute sms on his phone for the date that happened last night,
saying how great it was. You can get naughty by writing something like,
"Last night was amazing. Want to repeat tonight?"
6. Give him a quick kiss:
Try
giving him a quick sexy signal when his friends are around. He will
have a morale boost knowing that you can give him a peck infront of
people he knows.
7. Too much too bad:
PDA
is fine to an extent but guys do not like it, if their girls overdo
things. In-fact people around you too may not be comfortable seeing the
two of you. Girls please do not commit this mistake. It will put off
your guy.
8. Naughty you:
Wear a
matching underwear and bra in light pastel shades.Give him a little peek
at what's in store while you still look feminine and innocent.
9. Hard to get:
If
you do not end up reaching a climax, tell him so. But then, do not
forget to tell him that you still enjoyed the act. You can guide him the
next time. He will appreciate the effort.
10. Homemade eats:
While
visiting his parents, you can bake a small cake or some cookies. This
will make his mom feel that her son's girl actually spent time thinking
about what to give rather than just buying something off the shelf from
the market.
11. Weekend getaway:
In the beginning of the relationship, plan for some adventure trips. This will indeed make your bond strong.
12. Red alert:
You
can tell him how good he is as a person but never tell him how amazing
your ex was. You do not want him to think that you have not got over
your ex.
13. Praise him:
Girls are used to getting compliments. But try praising your man every now and then, he will really feel special and wanted.
Top Ten Reasons Why Terrorists Will Never Succeed in Attacking Malaysia
1. Terrorist decides to
blow up KLCC. He drives to KLCC with the intention of planting the bomb
there, gets stuck in a 2-hour jam, and blows himself up in
frustration. PLAN FAIL.
2. Terrorist decides to bomb Ipoh as a practice session before targeting KL. He drives for the first time on the highway to Ipoh trusting the signboards to get him there, and ends up in Lumut. Terrorist drowns himself in the sea in frustration. PLAN FAIL.
3. Terrorist decides to blow up Puduraya. While walking to his destination, the bag in which he keeps his bombs gets snatched by snatch thieves on a motorcycle. He pulls on his bag's strap desperately and dies after being dragged 100m on the road. PLAN FAIL.
4. Terrorist decides to blow up Port Klang. He succeeds!! But the next day The Star, NST, Berita Harian and Utusan publish an article on page 10 headlined "Boy playing with fireworks injured in minor explosion." PLAN FAIL.
5. Terrorist decides to bomb Johor Bahru. He rents a house as headquarters and the night before the dastardly deed, three men with parangs break into his house, robs him and kills him. PLAN FAIL.
6. Terrorist decides to bomb Kedah to paralyze the rice bowl of Malaysia. That night, while secretly setting up the bomb during a heavy thunderstorm (so that no one sees him), Timah Tasoh Dam hits danger level, authorities open the dam gates and he is swept away in the floods. PLAN FAIL.
7. Terrorist decides to blow up Bukit Bintang. Upon arrival at destination, he is accosted by a pimp and spends the night in the arms of a beautiful woman. At dawn, authorities raid the place and arrest him. PLAN FAIL.
8. Terrorist decides to blow up the MACC building as he is a strong advocate of corruption. He enters the building, but before he manages to plant his bomb, he is found dead after a fall from the 14th floor window. PLAN FAIL.
9. Terrorist decides to blow up Serdang Hospital. He enters the hospital lobby, hears a loud crashing sound and looks up to see the ceiling collapsing on him. He dies. PLAN FAIL.
10. Terrorist decides to blow up Genting Highlands. On the way up the mountain, a speeding bus driven by a 18-year-old boy without a driving licence crashes into his car and kills him instantly. PLAN FAIL.
2. Terrorist decides to bomb Ipoh as a practice session before targeting KL. He drives for the first time on the highway to Ipoh trusting the signboards to get him there, and ends up in Lumut. Terrorist drowns himself in the sea in frustration. PLAN FAIL.
3. Terrorist decides to blow up Puduraya. While walking to his destination, the bag in which he keeps his bombs gets snatched by snatch thieves on a motorcycle. He pulls on his bag's strap desperately and dies after being dragged 100m on the road. PLAN FAIL.
4. Terrorist decides to blow up Port Klang. He succeeds!! But the next day The Star, NST, Berita Harian and Utusan publish an article on page 10 headlined "Boy playing with fireworks injured in minor explosion." PLAN FAIL.
5. Terrorist decides to bomb Johor Bahru. He rents a house as headquarters and the night before the dastardly deed, three men with parangs break into his house, robs him and kills him. PLAN FAIL.
6. Terrorist decides to bomb Kedah to paralyze the rice bowl of Malaysia. That night, while secretly setting up the bomb during a heavy thunderstorm (so that no one sees him), Timah Tasoh Dam hits danger level, authorities open the dam gates and he is swept away in the floods. PLAN FAIL.
7. Terrorist decides to blow up Bukit Bintang. Upon arrival at destination, he is accosted by a pimp and spends the night in the arms of a beautiful woman. At dawn, authorities raid the place and arrest him. PLAN FAIL.
8. Terrorist decides to blow up the MACC building as he is a strong advocate of corruption. He enters the building, but before he manages to plant his bomb, he is found dead after a fall from the 14th floor window. PLAN FAIL.
9. Terrorist decides to blow up Serdang Hospital. He enters the hospital lobby, hears a loud crashing sound and looks up to see the ceiling collapsing on him. He dies. PLAN FAIL.
10. Terrorist decides to blow up Genting Highlands. On the way up the mountain, a speeding bus driven by a 18-year-old boy without a driving licence crashes into his car and kills him instantly. PLAN FAIL.
MORAL OF THE STORY: MALAYSIA IS INVINCIBLE TO TERRORIST ATTACKS!!
Kisah seorang anak lembu
Ada kisah seorang anak yang diberi peluang untuk belajar di Amerika
untuk dapatkan degree, tapi selepas 15 tahun, x pernah lulus, akhirnya
bapak dia dah x sanggup lagi tanggung beban wang untuk anaknya itu,
terpaksalah dia bawak balik ke Malaysia.
Sepanjang perjalanan dari airport ke rumah, bapaknya diam aje (marah la tu).
Si anak dah rasa x best, so dia pun cari la idea untuk berbual & tunjuk
pada bapak dia yang dia kat Amerika ada gain something la dgn
pekembangan teknologi. So dia ckp dgn bapak dia:
Anak: Bapak tau x, kat Amerika sekarang teknologi dah maju giler.
Sekarang nak buat sosej x payah nak sembelih lembu, buang kulit, masuk je lembu
dalam machine, dah jadi sosej....
Bapak: Itu teknologi dah lapuk. Kat Malaysia lagi advance. Aku 32 tahun
dulu, masukkan 'sosej' aje dah keluar lembu sekor... menyusahkan plak tu...
untuk dapatkan degree, tapi selepas 15 tahun, x pernah lulus, akhirnya
bapak dia dah x sanggup lagi tanggung beban wang untuk anaknya itu,
terpaksalah dia bawak balik ke Malaysia.
Sepanjang perjalanan dari airport ke rumah, bapaknya diam aje (marah la tu).
Si anak dah rasa x best, so dia pun cari la idea untuk berbual & tunjuk
pada bapak dia yang dia kat Amerika ada gain something la dgn
pekembangan teknologi. So dia ckp dgn bapak dia:
Anak: Bapak tau x, kat Amerika sekarang teknologi dah maju giler.
Sekarang nak buat sosej x payah nak sembelih lembu, buang kulit, masuk je lembu
dalam machine, dah jadi sosej....
Bapak: Itu teknologi dah lapuk. Kat Malaysia lagi advance. Aku 32 tahun
dulu, masukkan 'sosej' aje dah keluar lembu sekor... menyusahkan plak tu...
How men change
The Love Word:
After 6 weeks: I looo-ve you, I love you, I love you!
After 6 months: Of course, I love you.
After 6 years: GOD, if I didn't love you, then why did I marry you?
Back from Work:
After 6 weeks: Honey, I'm home!
After 6 months: I'm BACK!!
After 6 years: Have you cooked yet?
Phone Ringing:
After 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
After 6 months: Here, it's for you.
After 6 years: ANSWER THE PHONE DAM*T!!
Cooking:
After 6 weeks: I never knew food could taste so good!
After 6 months: What are we having for dinner tonight?
After 6 years: DUMPLING AGAIN??
New Dress:
After 6 weeks: Wow, you look like an angel in that dress.
After 6 months: You bought a new dress again?
After 6 years: How much did THAT cost me?
TV:
After 6 weeks: Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
After 6 months: I like this movie.
After 6 years: I'm going to watch PIRATES play, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself!
Making Love:
After 6 weeks: Baby, I want you tonight?
After 6 months: Lets make another baby, my mother just called!!!
After 6 years: Please MOVE over to your side, I'm suffocating here!!!!
How To Find Your Wife
A couple went Christmas shopping at the mall. They decided to go
their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their
appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of
his wife. (no surprise there)
After waiting for half an hour, he
started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she
usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he
approached a beautiful hot, sexy blonde on a mall bench.
He smiled at
her and said,"Please, talk to me! Quick!"
She said, "Huh? Why?"
"Because I've been looking for my wife all over this mall and I can't find her," the man replied.
"Excuse
me sir, how will talking to me help you find your wife? I have
absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is."
"Oh,
I know you don't know where she is... It's just that I've been looking,
but I can't seem to find my wife anywhere around this mall. However, I
know every time I start talking to a beautiful,sexy woman, like magic,
she *suddenly* appears!"
Learn Malaysian Tamil Language
WARNING: This post might hurt you. I did not make this up. It happens around us.
And this is not the conventional Tamil spoken throughout the world, this is our Malaysian version.
- Amaleh Ganja : Holy Shit.
- Kaingeh seittey : Your mate is screwed up or backstabbed.
- Kawan sama kawan kanji uturan : Friends should help each other
- Mama jamma puma : Mama is uncle (you address urself as uncle) jama (your tool) puma (the feline)
- Enakku muka illaiya? : So youre not respecting me?
- Enakku kainge lebat : I have shitload of friends.
- Kainge ligat lah : He's one cunning mofo.
- Jokucikap : Your joke is so funny.
- Mayrachi : aahh eff this la. (Normally falls into "LETS DO THIS SHIT!!!" context).
- Un public pambaiyeh muddeh : Shut ur stinky mouth up.
- Kena tiang machi : I defeated him.
- Aven senjus! : Someone who cant keep his promise. Like ffk in chinese.
- Cari makan : What it means in Malay.
- Senjanda Sivaji : To be used to express the grief when someone cheatednor f'd u over BIG TIME.
- Sarakku : A beautiful girl.
- Katthi sarakku : A very beautiful girl.
- Sappeh matter : Small matter dont talk about it.
- Allaaamaaaahhhh : Wow! You have to sustain the pronunciation of word for at least 6 seconds.
- Kainge hidup la : He's doing good in life. Often related to financial freedom.
- Semme kurang : He is damn rude or 'kurang ajar'
- Karuppa irunthalum nereppu : Im fire even when im black. Just to show that u r dominant even if u r extremely dark.
- Kambathu saraku : Girl from the hood, kampung.
- Rightu vidu : Used when you want to let go a troubling issue.
- Sembaruthi poo : Bunga raya. (know your flowers)
- Ottanda orang tua : OMG he fucked us big time!
- Ponneh surre machi : I'm very drunk bro.
- Tarik kainge : Friends who run car towing business or works for them. Usually notorious.
- Satu hati kawan : One Love.
- Surre sumbat : Drunk beyond acceptable level. Pissed drunk.
- Keypak : Dance. Usually the folk dance performed when u r getting drunk.
- Lau beds : Love birds.
- Ponneh bijak la nee : So you're smart? Usually in a sarcastic manner.
- Tigasepuluh : A place that sells beer. 3 cans for RM10.00
- Jagat : Notorious, gangster, tough mofo, criminal and so on along this line.
- Mampuluthimambo : Big shot, top dog, sick mofo.
- Pacchaiya pulliya? : Carlsberg or Tiger? In that order.
- Kutthuvoma? : Shall we eat/dance
- Muka Jatuh : Someone's in shame.
- Number kainge : Friends who are into organized gangsterism.
- Cantik macam bunga : It means. Literallly.
- Mamamitha : I dont know what it means but usually comes with a chest beating gesture.
- Nai : Guinness Stout. Literally means dog.
- Bob Malek : Bob Marley.
- Zettu : Yamaha RXZ. Emmu means Yamaha TZM.
- Slack : Someone who spoke wrongly. Provoking speech. Can be used for other situations like food. E.g food slack la.
- Roku : Marijuana.
- See'hate : Cigarette. Sometimes Seagate. (thanks Dr.Suresh)
- Kira dashyat la nee? : So youre dashyat la? Usually used in speech of provoke.
- Sappi : Softie.
- Sargar : police. Also moottai. Meppadayan
- Kalinjan : Coward.
- Pi-kalinjan : Extreme coward. A pussy.
- Puluthi kacang : A big shot wannabe or you hate.
- Savadi sambar : Total awesomeness. E.g heard Syze's new track? Savadi sambar!
- Paati plug : .... Up to u, really.
- Matti plug : A stupid person.
- Pi thombu : A drum of shit. Usually used to address a real dark person.
- Paan jaanhn (panjang) : A tall person.
- Sayur : A weak person.
- Bintang terang/cerah : To express luck. Usually when someone escapes an accident or a fight.
- Bintang : drunk/high.
- Rastali :...A type of banana. (complimentary, know your fruits okay?)
- Balti : Revert. Like karma. U know.
- Solungge bang : Speak up bro/dude.
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
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